Does this sound familiar?
The story is told of a psychologist in the lower South who began his career as a young man in a small town. He would go to the bar each Saturday night as he had for years. He thought it was funny that there was some truth in the suggestion of old country songs that the women started looking more attractive as he got drunker and it got closer to closing time. He seemed to warm up to one young woman that evening, but then did not remember much until the next morning. He woke up in a motel with a woman he did not know. The young man could not remember how he got there or what had happened. But to his great displeasure, he found a wedding license and a used condom among things in the room. There was no chance of asking his female companion for an annulment since they had actually been together that night. Living in a small town meant that a scandal would surely ensue and it was not what he needed as just starting his career. Nor did he need a messy divorce in the news. After negotiating some with the young woman, he was able to arrange a quiet divorce in Reno, Nevada. However, it came at the cost of a large check written to her. He told others later that he learned to not overdrink, and not do it in connection to bars and romantic situations since there is always a cost. What has been the cost of your decisions while under the influence?
In another situation, a woman in her late 40’s, we’ll call her Jan, went on a trip to the beach with friends. She was looking forward to getting away for the weekend and relaxing. She and her friends started their vacation my making mixed drinks. As they all loosened up, the women decided to check out the nightlife in the small beach community. Before leaving the vacation house, they each took a shot of tequila, just for fun. The women ventured into a bar that appeared to be filled with local beach goers. They were excited about being on vacation together, and about having an adventure. As the night went on, the women drank, socialized and danced. They were having a great time. Jan knew that when she drank, she just could not stop. Her friends knew that when she drank, she would not stop. But, they were on vacation. She had been really good for weeks and not drank at all. She deserved to just let go and have some fun. After all, no one here really cared. Her family would never know and she would be back on the wagon by the time they got home. So, she continued to drink throughout the night. Jan blacked out and awoke on the beach around sunrise, half dressed with clothes torn and her purse gone. Jan looked around in panic. She did not recognize the houses or the area. As she began to sober up, a police officer approached her. He asked how she was, and asked for some identification. Jan had none. The officer escorted Jan to the station and asked some additional questions about where she had been and who she had been with. Jan was able to describe the house she and her friends were renting and she remembered her friends’ cell phone numbers. Jan contacted one of her friend’s. She was frantic, stating that they were looking for her all night. Jan was released when her friends arrived at the station. The police officer gave her a word of warning, “Some of these guys around here aren’t the type you want to be hanging out with. I am not sure what you got into last night, but you might think twice about who you are running around with.” Jan acknowledged his words and went on. She dismissed what happened and convinced herself that nothing occurred between she and a man. Eight months later, Jan tested HIV positive. Have you ever compromised your own safety and health due to addiction?
Setting Priorities
Addiction not only affects the quality of decisions, but it affects the focus of our every choice. Addiction dominates the decision-making process in our brains. When experiencing addiction, the range of our decisions usually centers on,” how do I get hold of the substance?” And getting the substance becomes our priority. We may look for ways to fulfill the cravings through selling something, theft, or lying. We may compromise our own safety and the safety of our families in order to obtain alcohol or drugs. Usually, a person makes decisions based on what is best for him or her, or what is best for loved ones. But the whole range of decision-making is narrowed to getting the substance. This is often without regard to our own safety, respect and health.
In Recovery, the range of decision-making takes on a much broader and healthy view. It can include taking up old activities that we let go like fishing and hunting and spending time with the kids. But it may take in new things such as a couple who is trying to fill times with sailing and going to sobriety parties instead of spending all their time drinking. Recovery begins a journey of new possibilities and choices that are constructive and not destructive. Recovery brings the decision-making process back under your control. You are able to decide what works best for you, what keeps you safe, what choices benefit you. You choose, rather than the choice being about using alcohol and drugs. Set your priorities and make decisions that give you power and freedom.
The Reality of Addiction from Our Staff’s Perspective
The decisions that come out of addiction are often poor and damaging ones. I have seen marriages and long term romances hurt or destroyed with the infidelity that can come out of addiction to alcohol or drugs. I have seen youth in prison where they used the drug Ecstasy to charge up their sexual performance, but found out they had been sexually abusive in some way that led to legal charges. I have seen really good employees damage and in some instances destroy their employment by use of drugs that led to absenteeism and poor performance. Finally, I have preached the funeral of people who died from drinking and driving and had to try to comfort the anguish of families who lost these loved ones. Alcohol/drugs can impair our decision making to the point of destructive behavior to our jobs, families, and legally, and in other areas of our lives.. Each person is finally responsible for their choices, but addiction adds an element of distortion and disease to the process that can be very destructive.