Your loved one has returned from combat and now faces another battle at home, addiction. You may feel like you have been on one emotional rollercoaster after another. This can invoke a variety of emotions such as anger, frustration, or disappointment as you struggle with how to help your loved one but also take care of yourself. Unfortunately, there is no single method for dealing with addiction as people are unique and so is their treatment and recovery. However, there are some skills that you may benefit from as you support your loved one and take care of yourself.
- Be supportive but not an enabler. Sometimes loved ones don’t even realize when they are making it easier for the misuse to continue, such as calling in sick or bailing them out of jail. To change these interactions you first have to be able to recognize the enabling behaviors and then be willing and able to make changes. Being supportive includes setting boundaries, limits, and expectations. These are essential for supporting change in the dynamics of your relationship and creating accountability. You can also be supportive by providing them with affirming statements or compliments when they make positive changes.
- Be SMART with your goals. Throughout your loved ones recovery they will have goals and you should do the same. Your goals should be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely (SMART). Rather than saying that you will participate in a support group and that’s it, find a specific one such as Al-Anon and set a time and day to go.
- Find positive influences and then surround yourself with them. This is not only important for you but also your veteran. Evaluating and making necessary changes to the environment to support sobriety, rather than addiction, is crucial. This doesn’t mean that every relationship or activity enjoyed prior to your loved ones sobriety needs to be abandoned. Understand that like anything, you have to allow time and practice to create new patterns, such as being around alcohol and not drinking it, and even then some things may have to change forever. If you have gone through a deployment this may feel like the reintegration phase, which like recovery, is experienced differently by each person. Imagine a service member who gets home in June and during their deployment was exposed to frequent attacks that included explosions. Wouldn’t you support their decision to not attend a 4th of July celebration with fireworks? What if they felt too much anxiety and never wanted to attend one again? Anxiety can be addressed with professional help. However, ultimately, if it was too overwhelming for your loved one, you would want to respect that choice and find other ways to celebrate. For addiction this could include avoiding family functions where alcohol is served. Some may feel comfortable and most importantly abstain in this situation while others may never feel comfortable in this situation again.
- Utilize resources and support groups. There are several support networks that can help you and your loved one throughout their recovery process. Knowing what is available and utilizing those resources can save you time, money, and headaches maneuvering through what can sometimes feel like an overwhelming system. In addition to community resources, such as Al-Anon for family and friends of alcoholics and Nar-Anon for addiction, you have additional resources because of your loved ones military services. The branch and component of service will impact what is available. To learn more consult with their command, for combat veterans consult the Veterans Administration (VA), or review the Resources for Veterans.
- Know that these are just a few suggestions for coping with a loved one’s addiction. When accessing resources and assistance, it is important is that you are willing to try new things and know that some things take time to stick while others may not work for you. Anytime you change a behavior or relationship dynamic it will feel different, that doesn’t mean it feels wrong. Give it time, patience, and dedication for yourself and to support your loved one. Your involvement really can make a difference in your loved one’s recovery.